[Story] What is all that shit on her sink? – My encounter with Funke


– What is all that shit on her sink? – My encounter with Funke

By Adejumo Kabir

I have known her for years but I cannot recognize her without makeup. I would not know why she wears makeup day and night – perhaps, to impress males. I’ve seen her late 11 pm and sometimes, 6 am – but, on a full face of makeup that most times rub off on my clothes when we hug.

Could it be for misplaced insecurity or to be more attractive to men? I would not get answers to these questions except I ask her. How will she feel if I eventually ask her?

I like her but I don’t want to make the wrong choice. As I was waiting to get motivation from the most High, I remember a Roman playwright Plautus who said: “a woman without paint is like food without salt”. I won’t ask her. But No, in Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Ophelia was told: “I’ve heard all about you women and your cosmetics too. God gives you one face, but you paint another on top of it. You dance and prance and lisp; you call God’s creations by pet names, and you excuse your sexpot ploys by pleading ignorance.”

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It’s better to ask her before falling in love. “Funke, how are you?” I asked. “I’ve seen you day and night. One thing remains your attribute, it is important to ask you the personal reasons for doing your makeup the way you do?”

I understand there was a time I was willing to know why ladies wear waist beads, I carried out my research and eventually wrote a piece afterward to inform the public about my findings. Today, I’ve come to share with the public the response I got from Funke. The makeup girl told me she’s flawless but I would not agree until she honoured my request of watching her face because I needed to make a lifetime decision.

I’ve heard a series of stories about folks who cancel their wedding after spending a night with ladies they met on make-up. I don’t want to be a prey. Funke agreed – bring water – she wiped off the makeup.

Interesting, she looks more beautiful. I saw original beauty and felt it was time to indeed propose. The rest is history. I will invite you to our wedding. Yes, you.

Funke told me that while there are ladies who wear makeup completely for themselves because they are just makeup fans, some truly feel unacceptable without it.

For me, it is frivolous and vain as it only helps to erase the existing face so we can then “paint” a different one back on with more makeup. The old face is fine, to be sure, but the new face is more exciting and alive-looking – more perfect. It can be fun and sexy, too.

In the end, I reach the conclusion that makeup can sometimes be a sign of sexual arousal. Pink lips plus pet names were given to a guy that may simply mean that lady presently sitting on your bed is ready for a night of passion. Don’t waste the moment. Grab it.

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